I was having a great conversation with a mom who shared with me a concern she and her husband had. The concern? Should they have another baby! Their first (a son), and only child so far, was born with a severe disability. Needless to say, this mom had a myriad of questions and concerns. She knew that the dynamics of her family would change, but just how much? Would she have enough of herself to give to both, since her son had a lot of demanding needs. And her worst fear? As the sibling grows older, how will he/she respond to his/her sibling with a disability!

I shared with this mom an excerpt from a letter I had written addressing some of her same concerns. Siblings learn and continue to learn life lessons that a lot of children learn later in life or not at all. They learn that disability does not mean disabled, but in fact, means abled. They learn about love, compassion, empathy, and to stand up for those who are “different.” They learn what it means to share, to compromise, to accept. Your son will teach him/her, and in turn, him/her will teach your son. Your son’s disability should never be viewed as a distraction, or a take away from the family.

I had addressed the positive, but knew I needed to address sibling challenges as well. As siblings get older, some concerns are feelings of guilt (being spared a disability), embarrassment (of a sibling’s behavior or appearance in front of friends), anger or jealousy (over the amount of attention the sibling receives), pressure (to make-up for a sibling’s disability), or caregiving (especially if it conflicts with social plans). Now, if you look at these issues, they are actually issues all siblings and families deal with, whether a child has a disability or not. What about the star basketball player, star student, or smart whiz kid?

These are issues that every family with multiple children deal with. Not just those families who have a child with a disability. It is not the disability that determines these issues and how they are dealt with, it is life itself. It is up to the parent(s) to address these issues head on and to do like all parents, their best to raise healthy, happy, well-rounded children who will grow to become those same adults.

But enough of my opinion!!! How about we ask some siblings what they think? Enjoy!

 

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